Dejected.

Rejection.




I don't think I have ever faced as much rejections as I do now in uni. Throughout my life, I usually don't have major problems excelling in the things that I do. I had no issues in getting to where I want to be. But the past 2 years have been like a roller coaster ride for me. Sometimes I wonder if my luck has been used up and that I've exceeded the quota.

Sometimes I happen to surprise myself and perform beyond my own expectations. But most of the time I find myself dealing with failures.






"It's not that you're not good but.. ... ...".





If that statement is true then I guess I'm just not good enough. No matter how much I try, how much I hope, it's not enough.

I know I should pick myself up. Losers never quit. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Good things come to those who wait. The ones who give up don't know how close to success they are. If things happen this way, there must be a reason. Something better is waiting and I just don't know about it yet.

However, at this point, I am really disappointed. I know I shouldn't be. I still do well in many things that people don't. But it feels so bad to be given hope, and have it all taken away. I really wasn't expecting much initially. But I began hoping again. I began building up my expectations. And have everything crumbled down again. I can't help but feel like I'm just not good enough. And maybe I never will be.

It seems like every time I pin my hopes on something, it just never happens. Every time I start thinking about the bright side of things, about the future that could have been, the dream always vanishes, like it's never mine before.





What have I learnt from this?

Just try my best not to have any expectations again. I'm getting tired of aiming for the best. Tired of setting high expectations for myself and keep failing again and again. Tired of trying to make my loved ones proud. I just want to live life as it is and learn to take things easy. It's just too exhausting, too straining to shoulder all these expectations.

Why am I always working so hard? Why am I always living for the future? How do I know I'm always going to have tomorrow to live for? Why can't I just live like everyone else? Just be happy and contented with what I have.






真的累了。