When the day came that I have to send him to the airport, I didn't feel as upset as I thought I would be. I was in fact kind of exhausted counting down to the day that he'll leave me for a looooong time. We spent the his last week in Sg together almost everyday. And during those days, the same thoughts recur umpteen times a day, which is that I have to spend as much time as possible with him before he leaves. For that, I've procrastinated my work and not arrange for any other programs besides just being with him, even if we were just doodling around the house like usual.
But it was a vicious cycle because no matter how much time I was gonna spend with him, it just will NEVER be enough. So I try to make myself feel better by thinking about the long term. I told myself that he is just going to be away for awhile and on hindsight, it'll be such a tiny part of our lives as compared to the amount of time we are going to have together in the future. Well that helped a little but still didn't stop me from feeling torn between spending more time with him and feeling there's never enough time.
Eventually the day that he had to leave came, and I felt a tinge of relieve that I can finally just feel sad about him not being around instead of struggling to feel better while he's around. It was not like I wanted him gone or that I was getting emotional. But it was just exhausting to keep dreading the arrival of something inevitable. So on this day, I felt surprisingly calm.
It was a simple farewell. We had lunch with his parents at the airport after he checked in his luggage. And then as uptight as he always is, he went through the departure hall >1 hour before his flight was gonna take off.
One of the last few photos we took before he left
So I watched him leave quietly before heading to school like it was just any other day. I was feeling perfectly okay. I didn't cry or anything. I just felt neutral.
The days that follow we continue to text daily and have pretty spontaneous video calls because he was mostly just rotting in his apartment. So I would drop him a random call when I'm done with work. The other day I watched him cook his dinner (because I insisted lol) and watch him devour a portion that looks like it's good for two.
I'm still getting used to the weekends without him sneezing and snoring in the middle of the night. On normal days, I'm usually quite absorbed in my work and do not get the chance to feel alone. But some days (or nights) it gets quite tough. Like when I'm feeling down and I really need a company and someone to cuddle, it's really upsetting to get reminded that he's not here.
I do not know when I'm seeing him next; he doesn't have a firm-up date on when he's coming back and I'm not sure if I can go over. So for now, I'll just have to be strong and pull through my final semester. [On the side note, I keep saying this cannot emphasize it enough: I really want to graduate like.right.now. School life has been going on for WAYYYY too long for me. And this semester isn't particularly fun. It's quite comforting to know that I'm already half-way through the sem (and revolting at the same time thinking about all my mid-terms and deadlines coming up urgh). I do not feel motivated to go to school anymore. It just feels off. And there's like nothing to look forward to at the end of the sem. No travel plans. :/ ]
But oh wells, hopefully things will turn cheery soon. Till then!
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